I don't know what is going on with me. Lately, I have been super stressed and super agitated. I normally do not lash out on people over the smallest of things but recently, that has been happening. I feel lost, upset and mad. I can't talk to anyone because no one wants to listen to me. No one wants to help me. No one wants to deal with me. I feel helpless and weak. I need help. I need help really bad. I need someone to listen to me. I tried talking to Daniel but he gives me responses that sounds like he doesn't care. He's always too busy to listen. I feel like he just doesn't care anymore. I give it my all and I don't get anything in return. I feel too distant and I feel like we're drifting apart.
I started feeling like this about 2 weeks ago. I started realizing this a few days back. I was getting pissed off at Amazon for not just leaving the damn package in the mailbox room. I understand that they are trying to prevent people stealing packages but I don't understand why they can't just leave the package in the mailroom. The last package I ordered from them, I had a reason to complain. The idiot driver left the package at one of the front doors (one that is only accessible by residents). That door has a sign that specifically says, "NO DELIVERIES. ALL DELIVERIES SHOULD BE MADE AT THE MAIN MAILROOM ENTRANCE." I guess I can't deal with incompetent people. I can't help that I have very high standards and expectations.
Today, I lashed out at FedEx for forgetting to return my driver's license. I felt they should have done better like contacting me. It was a simple mistake and for some reason, my mind didn't process it that way. I would normally approach this in a calm manner but today wasn't the case. I was freaking out. Every worst case scenario was playing at once. What if I never noticed and went a couple of days without my driver's license? What if I gotten into any accidents (serious or not) and when we're exchanging info and I don't have it? What happened if I got pulled over? What happens if the cop was not nice? How am I going to pay for the fine when I'm strapped on money? What happens if I gotten into a serious trouble and have no way to identify myself? I don't want to be labeled as Jane Doe if something was to happen to me. All those scenario was going through my head and it just clouded my judgment. I think that FedEx should have been more vigilant and should have been a little helpful instead of "Oh no...she left her driver's license behind" or "Oh she won't get far without it." I feel like I do more as a security officer. If I found someone's license, I would usually try to locate the person. I feel like people should be more compassionate than selfish.
I, like everyone else, hate getting disrespected by anyone. To some, I am a very nice, a very sweet person. To others, I'm just an asshole. Either way, I should not be treated different in anyways. I deserve the same respect as them. I guess what is really bothering me is this one coworker who thinks he can say shit and doesn't care. I'll just refer him as AM. He made a racist comment about Asians being stupid and can't understand English. Ok, we work at an airport. We will be getting all types of people whether they can understand English or not. All we need to do is just do our best to help them. AM apparently has a big issue with that. He made that comment when I was in the room and I heard it. Then as I was trying to get everyone in their position, he tells me to move so he can "do his job". Listen buddy, if you just say "Excuse me", I would have gladly moved out of the way.
I don't feel like trying anymore. I don't feel like overcoming these obstacles anymore. I feel like giving up. I don't want to put in anymore effort for anything. I have been putting in my all for everyone and I don't feel like I made any difference. I don't get anything in return. A simple thank you is fine. I sacrificed my happiness to satisfy everyone. I gave it my all and in return, some people are simply too disrespectful. I am a person like them. If they do not like to be disrespected in any ways, then don't treat others that way.
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