Flashback

I have been feeling a little stressed and agitated. Aside from my work, I feel like everyone's problem is thrown upon me. It's like I need to solve everyone's problem even if I am not directly involved. I also feel like I need to confront an issue that happened in my past. I feel like I am not satisfied with something.

Back in junior year of high school, I was accused of stealing this girl's (Janet) phone. The girl didn't ask me to watch her phone. She just placed it on the table which so happened that I was sitting there. It was during a volleyball match and I was sitting at the score keeper's table and was just keeping score. At the end of the match, she came back looking for her phone and it wasn't there. She was distraught and was crying. Then the crying turned to anger and the blaming began. She and her friends just went on the attack at me. No matter how many times I told them that I never took her phone, they didn't want to believe me. I had no reason to steal a phone when I had one and it was, at that time, an expensive phone. The attack didn't stop there. A few days later, my sister called me to tell me to not let those girls bully me. I didn't understand what she was talking about. I didn't tell anyone about this situation in hopes that I could fight this battle. She emailed me the blog one of those girls wrote. The blog said for people to stop trusting me and that I was a thief. It was nothing but just plain slander and false information. Of all people, the girl (Tiffany) turned out to be a family friend. Because she was a family friend, I had no other choice but to get my parents involved. My parents confronted her parents about the post. Her parents got upset and told her to mind her own business. I didn't know what to feel. I was shocked with that slander post that I didn't know what to do or how to act.

12 years later, I have still yet to get an apology from Janet, Tiffany and the rest of her friends. I'm still upset about this. I feel like I still deserve an apology of some sort (even if it is 12 years later). All I need is closure and to move on. I want them to understand what they said and wrote have greatly affected me and understand how much it hurts. I want them to read that post. I want them to feel what I went through when they were too busy making up rumors. All I want is some closure and be able to move on from this. All I need is a simple, "I'm sorry" so I can finally move on from this.

So my message to Janet, Tiffany, and those friends:
You have no idea what your accusations have done to me. It has caused me nothing more than pain. Your slander, your accusation and your false information has caused nothing but trouble. It was not okay for you to accused me of stealing a phone. It was not okay that you wouldn't let me have a chance to defend myself. It was not okay for you to go around spreading rumors. It was definitely not okay to say that I was a thief and not to be trusted. It was definitely not okay to post it on Xanga.  Just so you know, this situation had made me a stronger woman. All I ask for is for you to understand how much pain you ladies have caused me. It may have been long gone in the past, but the pain still lingers. This pain will keep hurting me until I get some closure. All I ask for is an apology so I can finally have some closure and be able to move on from this. Please, just apologize for the pain you caused me.

Enough is Enough!

Warning: I am half asleep as I am writing this. So if like half of the blog make no sense, then you know why.

I am and have always been against any types of bullying. I have been a victim of bullying for as long as I was a kid. Don't know why...Middle school was one of my worst time in my life as I kept getting bullied left and right. High school wasn't any better. College was probably the best time since I didn't seem to get bullied as much (except when my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend kept harassing me).

Throughout those dark times, I felt helpless. I went with the advice and told someone about me getting bullied. I felt helpless in school because the administrators and teachers didn't do enough to stop the bullying. It got to the point, I stop trying to get help. I took matters into my own hands; I ended up getting in trouble and beaten up.

Why am I getting bullied? I've been asking myself this question every single day. I came up with many theories on why am I always the target to bullying.

1. I am a threat. Believe it or not, people see me more of a threat than a person. I don't understand why people think I am a threat to them. 
2. I make people look bad. I didn't intend to make people look bad. At work, I am usually the person who goes above and beyond to get the work done. I can't help it that people notices my hardworking habit. I work hard while others are lazy and take the easy way out. I admit, I am a bit of an overachiever.
3. I am unable to fight back. I get it, I am weak. I know I am. 
4. I am not like them. I am not like them because I am my own individual with a different mindset. 

Today, I am a grown-ass adult who is still getting bullied and still feel helpless. If I was to go to the higher ups and tell them the problem; all they're going to tell me is that I am an adult, work it out. And if you will ask those people, they'll just lie to your face.

Recently, I tried to apply for a promotion at work. With the amount of work I do, you would guess that I would have gotten the promotion. But I didn't (sad face). I am not happy at the fact that I was overlooked and never given a chance to prove myself. 

Hello!

I created this blog! (yay!) This blog will have nothing but random stuff. I'm just using this as an excuse to clear my thoughts. Hence the name: This & That and Chicken Fat. If you think it's going to be about food, well buddy, you are looking at the wrong page.

I do have a food blog which I occasionally update (maybe like every 2 months). If you are looking for my food blog, go to startacticiankitchen.blogspot.com.