I have been quiet about the whole situation regarding the unfair treatment of Mr. George Floyd. I've been watching the news and seeing the protest and riots happening around the country.
I support the police. I do not support the use of excess force by the police, which result in injuries and/or death. I do not support what that one Minneapolis police did to George Floyd. Not all police officers are bad and not all are good. One rotten officer doesn't reflect the police as a whole. If you don't understand, here's a better way to explain it. You go produce at your local grocery store to buy some tomatoes. Your first pick is a rotten tomato (mold and all). What do you do next? You go pick out another one. Can you automatically assume that all the tomatoes are rotten based on that one tomato?
Word of the day: TRUMP SYNDROME
Definition: A broad term used to describe individuals who thinks highly of themselves, does not put others' opinions/views into consideration, and constantly think they're completely right.
Monday, June 1, 2020
Monday, August 26, 2019
Take a ride on this (emotional) roller coaster
So much stuff going on in my mind and it just need to be let loose.
Lately, I have been worried about what going to happen in the future. It's not the normal feeling of being worried. It's the feeling of being worried to the extreme that it is bringing me to uncontrollable fear and tears. Why am I feeling this? Probably because I am worried (and scared) of what the future will hold for me. I'm worried about how am I going to move on once my parents' are gone. I shouldn't even be thinking about this but I have and I am scared. I should really be focusing on spending whatever time I can with them now and not worried about what is going to happen. I don't think I am mentally prepared for the future. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to see what the future is for me without my parents. I regret ever being a douchebag to them. I regret ever being rude, and mean to them. I didn't like the way I grew up and I wished it was better but it was because of my past that helped me become the person I am.
Whenever someone asks me whether I want to get married, I often dodge the question. I want to get married but I don't want to feel tied down. People try to convince me that being married is great and how you create your own story (blah blah blah) by being married. I really don't know if I am ready to commit.
Also on my mind, I feel like no one cares about me or Daniel. We lived in Massachusetts for almost 4 years (5 for me) and not one person (who isn't a family member) bother coming up here to visit. When they post all over Facebook that they're taking a trip to Boston, I feel happy and try to see if they want to meet up and catch up. But no, they don't even bat an eye. Then (at a later time) they see that I live in Massachusetts and they go, "Oh why didn't you say that you live in Massachusetts...we could have met up." Yea, could have but you didn't at all even when I ask if you wanted to meet up. Ok, I get it if you came up here for other reasons and don't have the time to meet up. I make the effort to come visit people when I come home to Maryland but no one wants to make the effort to come up to Massachusetts to visit me. Stop telling me that you'll come up to Massachusetts to visit me one day. Enough with making excuses and start making the effort to come here and visit me. Ok, I sound a little demanding. They have no idea how excited I am to show them around. I feel like I have no friends or at least friends who care enough about me to come visit. Seriously people, it is not that expensive to fly up here or even take a bus. You don't need to worry about booking a hotel room or renting a car. We have a car and a place to sleep. I want to show off my apartment to you. It have been lonely living up here without a person coming up to visit you. But you know what, that's fine. I'm not even going to worry anymore since Daniel and I are planning on leaving Massachusetts once he is done with school.
I honestly don't know what I want nor I know what I have planned for the future. I don't have an itinerary for my life; I just live my life in the most spontaneous way.
Lately, I have been worried about what going to happen in the future. It's not the normal feeling of being worried. It's the feeling of being worried to the extreme that it is bringing me to uncontrollable fear and tears. Why am I feeling this? Probably because I am worried (and scared) of what the future will hold for me. I'm worried about how am I going to move on once my parents' are gone. I shouldn't even be thinking about this but I have and I am scared. I should really be focusing on spending whatever time I can with them now and not worried about what is going to happen. I don't think I am mentally prepared for the future. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to see what the future is for me without my parents. I regret ever being a douchebag to them. I regret ever being rude, and mean to them. I didn't like the way I grew up and I wished it was better but it was because of my past that helped me become the person I am.
Whenever someone asks me whether I want to get married, I often dodge the question. I want to get married but I don't want to feel tied down. People try to convince me that being married is great and how you create your own story (blah blah blah) by being married. I really don't know if I am ready to commit.
Also on my mind, I feel like no one cares about me or Daniel. We lived in Massachusetts for almost 4 years (5 for me) and not one person (who isn't a family member) bother coming up here to visit. When they post all over Facebook that they're taking a trip to Boston, I feel happy and try to see if they want to meet up and catch up. But no, they don't even bat an eye. Then (at a later time) they see that I live in Massachusetts and they go, "Oh why didn't you say that you live in Massachusetts...we could have met up." Yea, could have but you didn't at all even when I ask if you wanted to meet up. Ok, I get it if you came up here for other reasons and don't have the time to meet up. I make the effort to come visit people when I come home to Maryland but no one wants to make the effort to come up to Massachusetts to visit me. Stop telling me that you'll come up to Massachusetts to visit me one day. Enough with making excuses and start making the effort to come here and visit me. Ok, I sound a little demanding. They have no idea how excited I am to show them around. I feel like I have no friends or at least friends who care enough about me to come visit. Seriously people, it is not that expensive to fly up here or even take a bus. You don't need to worry about booking a hotel room or renting a car. We have a car and a place to sleep. I want to show off my apartment to you. It have been lonely living up here without a person coming up to visit you. But you know what, that's fine. I'm not even going to worry anymore since Daniel and I are planning on leaving Massachusetts once he is done with school.
I honestly don't know what I want nor I know what I have planned for the future. I don't have an itinerary for my life; I just live my life in the most spontaneous way.
Monday, February 4, 2019
1-800-273-8255
***If you or someone you know is thinking about or considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They are available 24 hours a day, everyday. Help is just a call away.***
Nothing makes me more upset and pissed is seeing how stupid, insensitive, and ignorant people are. The government shutdown lasted 35 days and in those 35 days, people were being "compassionate" about the situation. And now the government have been reopened (temporarily), people are back to their cruel, ignorant, insensitive human beings that they were before this whole shutdown happened. Why can't they just be compassionate all the time? For 35 days, we were working without knowing when we will get paid. For 35 days, us "Essential Employees", did not know if there was going to be an end to this standoff. We were working without pay (a modern way to say slavery), we were growing anxious with the impeding bills, and our future was grim and dim. All of us were running low on patience and some of us held on as tight as we could.
So this past Saturday, a TSA officer at Orlando International Airport in Orlando, Florida, committed suicide. The officer jumped from a hotel balcony located inside the hotel and it was on the news. Although I do not know this officer personally, it hits me hard. We may not know each other and maybe never cross paths, it still hurts me. I feel for that officer's family and colleagues. There were many factors and theories into why he would do that. But who am I to judge and say what happened. The thing that hurts and angers me is the comments in the video and news articles. Some comments poked fun at the tragedy, some were compassionate, and some were just so unnecessary. The comments that were very insensitive and ignorant, made me really want to rip those people a new one. How can you be so rude and mean? How is this funny? Is it because it happened to a TSA officer and that you hate the TSA? Everyone has their own opinion regarding the TSA. Whether you support or not support TSA, it is not a ticket to make insensitive comments. What if this guy was your family member? What if someone you care about so much, took their own life and people, you don't know started laughing and made insensitive comments? You would be complaining about how people are so cruel and ignorant. Think about it. What if that was you? Would you want people saying those same words to you? Tell me, why is it not ok for people to do that to you but it is ok to say it to others? Just because he worked for TSA? That is not an excuse and a passage to bullying. Whatever his circumstance was, it is not right to be an ignorant jerk.
I have lost a few people to suicide. A close friend of mine committed suicide 10 years ago and I am still overcome with grief and guilt. The guilt of missing the vital signs, and the guilt of not being able to stop her. Nobody wants to hear that their loved ones killed themselves.
In this country, people only care about celebrities and what toilet paper brand they use instead of regular people. Celebrities are the heroes and public safety officers (not just TSA officers) are the evil villains. In reality, celebrities are not all that good. Some celebrities are good and some are like what the hell! Public safety officers (TSA, police officer, etc.) are treated with little to no respect. In this country, people who rather be spat on (think Justin Bieber) than to be protected from bad people. Those people go "F**K THE POLICE" and then when someone shoots at them and they all go, "Oh where's the police? This person is trying to kill me!" Anyways, I am going off topic. The point I am making is that celebrities aren't always good (or bad) and public safety officers are not all bad (or good).
The moral of this rant: Be careful on what you say especially if it deals with death. And celebrities are all that cool.
Nothing makes me more upset and pissed is seeing how stupid, insensitive, and ignorant people are. The government shutdown lasted 35 days and in those 35 days, people were being "compassionate" about the situation. And now the government have been reopened (temporarily), people are back to their cruel, ignorant, insensitive human beings that they were before this whole shutdown happened. Why can't they just be compassionate all the time? For 35 days, we were working without knowing when we will get paid. For 35 days, us "Essential Employees", did not know if there was going to be an end to this standoff. We were working without pay (a modern way to say slavery), we were growing anxious with the impeding bills, and our future was grim and dim. All of us were running low on patience and some of us held on as tight as we could.
So this past Saturday, a TSA officer at Orlando International Airport in Orlando, Florida, committed suicide. The officer jumped from a hotel balcony located inside the hotel and it was on the news. Although I do not know this officer personally, it hits me hard. We may not know each other and maybe never cross paths, it still hurts me. I feel for that officer's family and colleagues. There were many factors and theories into why he would do that. But who am I to judge and say what happened. The thing that hurts and angers me is the comments in the video and news articles. Some comments poked fun at the tragedy, some were compassionate, and some were just so unnecessary. The comments that were very insensitive and ignorant, made me really want to rip those people a new one. How can you be so rude and mean? How is this funny? Is it because it happened to a TSA officer and that you hate the TSA? Everyone has their own opinion regarding the TSA. Whether you support or not support TSA, it is not a ticket to make insensitive comments. What if this guy was your family member? What if someone you care about so much, took their own life and people, you don't know started laughing and made insensitive comments? You would be complaining about how people are so cruel and ignorant. Think about it. What if that was you? Would you want people saying those same words to you? Tell me, why is it not ok for people to do that to you but it is ok to say it to others? Just because he worked for TSA? That is not an excuse and a passage to bullying. Whatever his circumstance was, it is not right to be an ignorant jerk.
I have lost a few people to suicide. A close friend of mine committed suicide 10 years ago and I am still overcome with grief and guilt. The guilt of missing the vital signs, and the guilt of not being able to stop her. Nobody wants to hear that their loved ones killed themselves.
In this country, people only care about celebrities and what toilet paper brand they use instead of regular people. Celebrities are the heroes and public safety officers (not just TSA officers) are the evil villains. In reality, celebrities are not all that good. Some celebrities are good and some are like what the hell! Public safety officers (TSA, police officer, etc.) are treated with little to no respect. In this country, people who rather be spat on (think Justin Bieber) than to be protected from bad people. Those people go "F**K THE POLICE" and then when someone shoots at them and they all go, "Oh where's the police? This person is trying to kill me!" Anyways, I am going off topic. The point I am making is that celebrities aren't always good (or bad) and public safety officers are not all bad (or good).
The moral of this rant: Be careful on what you say especially if it deals with death. And celebrities are all that cool.
Friday, January 18, 2019
Tick tick tick...
My anxiety have been keeping me up at night and messing with my sleep. I'm hitting my breaking point with this whole government shutdown. For the most part, some people have been compassionate, and considerate with our circumstance. Others, you just want to punch them in the throat. Although those who are showing compassion towards our circumstances, they do have to understand that we do not want to think about it. We understand that they are showing concerns and being considerate (which I really don't mind) but for me, I don't want this situation to interfere with my duties. I don't want to be reminded that we are not getting paid any time soon. The job itself is already brutal as it is but having to come in, get verbally abused and not know when the paycheck will be coming in, that is just a kick in the nuts. I am grateful for the help and support I am getting from friends and family. I don't like to ask for help but at this point, I don't feel like I have any other choices (other than to take a loan). I don't want to be the reason why my family is in the craphole. I don't want drag my family into this mess.
All we, the government employees, want is to reopen the government. We don't want a wall, we want our paychecks. We don't care about the wall, we need money for our bills. I can't hold out anymore. We have already missed out on one paycheck. We are about to miss our second paycheck. For crying out loud, PLEASE END THIS SHUTDOWN AND GIVE US OUR MONEY! Call your congressmen and congresswomen, and get them to vote on reopening the government.
All we, the government employees, want is to reopen the government. We don't want a wall, we want our paychecks. We don't care about the wall, we need money for our bills. I can't hold out anymore. We have already missed out on one paycheck. We are about to miss our second paycheck. For crying out loud, PLEASE END THIS SHUTDOWN AND GIVE US OUR MONEY! Call your congressmen and congresswomen, and get them to vote on reopening the government.
Monday, December 3, 2018
"Sometimes it lasts in love...But sometimes it hurts instead"
I don't know what is going on with me. Lately, I have been super stressed and super agitated. I normally do not lash out on people over the smallest of things but recently, that has been happening. I feel lost, upset and mad. I can't talk to anyone because no one wants to listen to me. No one wants to help me. No one wants to deal with me. I feel helpless and weak. I need help. I need help really bad. I need someone to listen to me. I tried talking to Daniel but he gives me responses that sounds like he doesn't care. He's always too busy to listen. I feel like he just doesn't care anymore. I give it my all and I don't get anything in return. I feel too distant and I feel like we're drifting apart.
I started feeling like this about 2 weeks ago. I started realizing this a few days back. I was getting pissed off at Amazon for not just leaving the damn package in the mailbox room. I understand that they are trying to prevent people stealing packages but I don't understand why they can't just leave the package in the mailroom. The last package I ordered from them, I had a reason to complain. The idiot driver left the package at one of the front doors (one that is only accessible by residents). That door has a sign that specifically says, "NO DELIVERIES. ALL DELIVERIES SHOULD BE MADE AT THE MAIN MAILROOM ENTRANCE." I guess I can't deal with incompetent people. I can't help that I have very high standards and expectations.
Today, I lashed out at FedEx for forgetting to return my driver's license. I felt they should have done better like contacting me. It was a simple mistake and for some reason, my mind didn't process it that way. I would normally approach this in a calm manner but today wasn't the case. I was freaking out. Every worst case scenario was playing at once. What if I never noticed and went a couple of days without my driver's license? What if I gotten into any accidents (serious or not) and when we're exchanging info and I don't have it? What happened if I got pulled over? What happens if the cop was not nice? How am I going to pay for the fine when I'm strapped on money? What happens if I gotten into a serious trouble and have no way to identify myself? I don't want to be labeled as Jane Doe if something was to happen to me. All those scenario was going through my head and it just clouded my judgment. I think that FedEx should have been more vigilant and should have been a little helpful instead of "Oh no...she left her driver's license behind" or "Oh she won't get far without it." I feel like I do more as a security officer. If I found someone's license, I would usually try to locate the person. I feel like people should be more compassionate than selfish.
I, like everyone else, hate getting disrespected by anyone. To some, I am a very nice, a very sweet person. To others, I'm just an asshole. Either way, I should not be treated different in anyways. I deserve the same respect as them. I guess what is really bothering me is this one coworker who thinks he can say shit and doesn't care. I'll just refer him as AM. He made a racist comment about Asians being stupid and can't understand English. Ok, we work at an airport. We will be getting all types of people whether they can understand English or not. All we need to do is just do our best to help them. AM apparently has a big issue with that. He made that comment when I was in the room and I heard it. Then as I was trying to get everyone in their position, he tells me to move so he can "do his job". Listen buddy, if you just say "Excuse me", I would have gladly moved out of the way.
I don't feel like trying anymore. I don't feel like overcoming these obstacles anymore. I feel like giving up. I don't want to put in anymore effort for anything. I have been putting in my all for everyone and I don't feel like I made any difference. I don't get anything in return. A simple thank you is fine. I sacrificed my happiness to satisfy everyone. I gave it my all and in return, some people are simply too disrespectful. I am a person like them. If they do not like to be disrespected in any ways, then don't treat others that way.
I started feeling like this about 2 weeks ago. I started realizing this a few days back. I was getting pissed off at Amazon for not just leaving the damn package in the mailbox room. I understand that they are trying to prevent people stealing packages but I don't understand why they can't just leave the package in the mailroom. The last package I ordered from them, I had a reason to complain. The idiot driver left the package at one of the front doors (one that is only accessible by residents). That door has a sign that specifically says, "NO DELIVERIES. ALL DELIVERIES SHOULD BE MADE AT THE MAIN MAILROOM ENTRANCE." I guess I can't deal with incompetent people. I can't help that I have very high standards and expectations.
Today, I lashed out at FedEx for forgetting to return my driver's license. I felt they should have done better like contacting me. It was a simple mistake and for some reason, my mind didn't process it that way. I would normally approach this in a calm manner but today wasn't the case. I was freaking out. Every worst case scenario was playing at once. What if I never noticed and went a couple of days without my driver's license? What if I gotten into any accidents (serious or not) and when we're exchanging info and I don't have it? What happened if I got pulled over? What happens if the cop was not nice? How am I going to pay for the fine when I'm strapped on money? What happens if I gotten into a serious trouble and have no way to identify myself? I don't want to be labeled as Jane Doe if something was to happen to me. All those scenario was going through my head and it just clouded my judgment. I think that FedEx should have been more vigilant and should have been a little helpful instead of "Oh no...she left her driver's license behind" or "Oh she won't get far without it." I feel like I do more as a security officer. If I found someone's license, I would usually try to locate the person. I feel like people should be more compassionate than selfish.
I, like everyone else, hate getting disrespected by anyone. To some, I am a very nice, a very sweet person. To others, I'm just an asshole. Either way, I should not be treated different in anyways. I deserve the same respect as them. I guess what is really bothering me is this one coworker who thinks he can say shit and doesn't care. I'll just refer him as AM. He made a racist comment about Asians being stupid and can't understand English. Ok, we work at an airport. We will be getting all types of people whether they can understand English or not. All we need to do is just do our best to help them. AM apparently has a big issue with that. He made that comment when I was in the room and I heard it. Then as I was trying to get everyone in their position, he tells me to move so he can "do his job". Listen buddy, if you just say "Excuse me", I would have gladly moved out of the way.
I don't feel like trying anymore. I don't feel like overcoming these obstacles anymore. I feel like giving up. I don't want to put in anymore effort for anything. I have been putting in my all for everyone and I don't feel like I made any difference. I don't get anything in return. A simple thank you is fine. I sacrificed my happiness to satisfy everyone. I gave it my all and in return, some people are simply too disrespectful. I am a person like them. If they do not like to be disrespected in any ways, then don't treat others that way.
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Flashback
I have been feeling a little stressed and agitated. Aside from my work, I feel like everyone's problem is thrown upon me. It's like I need to solve everyone's problem even if I am not directly involved. I also feel like I need to confront an issue that happened in my past. I feel like I am not satisfied with something.
Back in junior year of high school, I was accused of stealing this girl's (Janet) phone. The girl didn't ask me to watch her phone. She just placed it on the table which so happened that I was sitting there. It was during a volleyball match and I was sitting at the score keeper's table and was just keeping score. At the end of the match, she came back looking for her phone and it wasn't there. She was distraught and was crying. Then the crying turned to anger and the blaming began. She and her friends just went on the attack at me. No matter how many times I told them that I never took her phone, they didn't want to believe me. I had no reason to steal a phone when I had one and it was, at that time, an expensive phone. The attack didn't stop there. A few days later, my sister called me to tell me to not let those girls bully me. I didn't understand what she was talking about. I didn't tell anyone about this situation in hopes that I could fight this battle. She emailed me the blog one of those girls wrote. The blog said for people to stop trusting me and that I was a thief. It was nothing but just plain slander and false information. Of all people, the girl (Tiffany) turned out to be a family friend. Because she was a family friend, I had no other choice but to get my parents involved. My parents confronted her parents about the post. Her parents got upset and told her to mind her own business. I didn't know what to feel. I was shocked with that slander post that I didn't know what to do or how to act.
12 years later, I have still yet to get an apology from Janet, Tiffany and the rest of her friends. I'm still upset about this. I feel like I still deserve an apology of some sort (even if it is 12 years later). All I need is closure and to move on. I want them to understand what they said and wrote have greatly affected me and understand how much it hurts. I want them to read that post. I want them to feel what I went through when they were too busy making up rumors. All I want is some closure and be able to move on from this. All I need is a simple, "I'm sorry" so I can finally move on from this.
So my message to Janet, Tiffany, and those friends:
You have no idea what your accusations have done to me. It has caused me nothing more than pain. Your slander, your accusation and your false information has caused nothing but trouble. It was not okay for you to accused me of stealing a phone. It was not okay that you wouldn't let me have a chance to defend myself. It was not okay for you to go around spreading rumors. It was definitely not okay to say that I was a thief and not to be trusted. It was definitely not okay to post it on Xanga. Just so you know, this situation had made me a stronger woman. All I ask for is for you to understand how much pain you ladies have caused me. It may have been long gone in the past, but the pain still lingers. This pain will keep hurting me until I get some closure. All I ask for is an apology so I can finally have some closure and be able to move on from this. Please, just apologize for the pain you caused me.
Back in junior year of high school, I was accused of stealing this girl's (Janet) phone. The girl didn't ask me to watch her phone. She just placed it on the table which so happened that I was sitting there. It was during a volleyball match and I was sitting at the score keeper's table and was just keeping score. At the end of the match, she came back looking for her phone and it wasn't there. She was distraught and was crying. Then the crying turned to anger and the blaming began. She and her friends just went on the attack at me. No matter how many times I told them that I never took her phone, they didn't want to believe me. I had no reason to steal a phone when I had one and it was, at that time, an expensive phone. The attack didn't stop there. A few days later, my sister called me to tell me to not let those girls bully me. I didn't understand what she was talking about. I didn't tell anyone about this situation in hopes that I could fight this battle. She emailed me the blog one of those girls wrote. The blog said for people to stop trusting me and that I was a thief. It was nothing but just plain slander and false information. Of all people, the girl (Tiffany) turned out to be a family friend. Because she was a family friend, I had no other choice but to get my parents involved. My parents confronted her parents about the post. Her parents got upset and told her to mind her own business. I didn't know what to feel. I was shocked with that slander post that I didn't know what to do or how to act.
12 years later, I have still yet to get an apology from Janet, Tiffany and the rest of her friends. I'm still upset about this. I feel like I still deserve an apology of some sort (even if it is 12 years later). All I need is closure and to move on. I want them to understand what they said and wrote have greatly affected me and understand how much it hurts. I want them to read that post. I want them to feel what I went through when they were too busy making up rumors. All I want is some closure and be able to move on from this. All I need is a simple, "I'm sorry" so I can finally move on from this.
So my message to Janet, Tiffany, and those friends:
You have no idea what your accusations have done to me. It has caused me nothing more than pain. Your slander, your accusation and your false information has caused nothing but trouble. It was not okay for you to accused me of stealing a phone. It was not okay that you wouldn't let me have a chance to defend myself. It was not okay for you to go around spreading rumors. It was definitely not okay to say that I was a thief and not to be trusted. It was definitely not okay to post it on Xanga. Just so you know, this situation had made me a stronger woman. All I ask for is for you to understand how much pain you ladies have caused me. It may have been long gone in the past, but the pain still lingers. This pain will keep hurting me until I get some closure. All I ask for is an apology so I can finally have some closure and be able to move on from this. Please, just apologize for the pain you caused me.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Enough is Enough!
Warning: I am half asleep as I am writing this. So if like half of the blog make no sense, then you know why.
I am and have always been against any types of bullying. I have been a victim of bullying for as long as I was a kid. Don't know why...Middle school was one of my worst time in my life as I kept getting bullied left and right. High school wasn't any better. College was probably the best time since I didn't seem to get bullied as much (except when my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend kept harassing me).
Throughout those dark times, I felt helpless. I went with the advice and told someone about me getting bullied. I felt helpless in school because the administrators and teachers didn't do enough to stop the bullying. It got to the point, I stop trying to get help. I took matters into my own hands; I ended up getting in trouble and beaten up.
Why am I getting bullied? I've been asking myself this question every single day. I came up with many theories on why am I always the target to bullying.
I am and have always been against any types of bullying. I have been a victim of bullying for as long as I was a kid. Don't know why...Middle school was one of my worst time in my life as I kept getting bullied left and right. High school wasn't any better. College was probably the best time since I didn't seem to get bullied as much (except when my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend kept harassing me).
Throughout those dark times, I felt helpless. I went with the advice and told someone about me getting bullied. I felt helpless in school because the administrators and teachers didn't do enough to stop the bullying. It got to the point, I stop trying to get help. I took matters into my own hands; I ended up getting in trouble and beaten up.
Why am I getting bullied? I've been asking myself this question every single day. I came up with many theories on why am I always the target to bullying.
- I am a threat. Believe it or not, people see me more of a threat than a person. I don't understand why people think I am a threat to them.
- I make people look bad. I didn't intend to make people look bad. At work, I am usually the person who goes above and beyond to get the work done. I can't help it that people notices my hardworking habit. I work hard while others are lazy and take the easy way out. I admit, I am a bit of an overachiever.
- I am unable to fight back. I get it, I am weak. I know I am.
- I am not like them. I am not like them because I am my own individual with a different mindset.
Today, I am a grown-ass adult who is still getting bullied and still feel helpless. If I was to go to the higher ups and tell them the problem; all they're going to tell me is that I am an adult, work it out. And if you will ask those people, they'll just lie to your face.
Recently, I tried to apply for a promotion at work. With the amount of work I do, you would guess that I would have gotten the promotion. But I didn't (sad face). I am not happy at the fact that I was overlooked and never given a chance to prove myself.
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